Man for Sale (or Free): The Hastings Breakup That Shook Facebook
Would you take this man in H-town?
Hastings, Minnesota, we need to talk.
Every once in a while, a Facebook post drops that changes the very fabric of our small-town universe. It rattles our collective spirit. It sends shockwaves through the online peanut gallery. It makes people put down their Kwik Trip coffee, lean in, and say, "Ohhh, this gon’ be good."
And on February 1st, 2025, it happened.
An anonymous Hastings resident—clearly at her wit’s end—decided to make a Facebook pitch that was equal parts public plea and Craigslist free section:
"How does one get a man that has been a cheater and liar…and continually puts you in bad positions out of their life? He has every and any opportunity to just pack up and go…..nothing is keeping him grounded here….but he won’t leave…:and knows I’m not ready AT THIs POINT to go the legal route…..anyone interested in a man child in their 40’s? He is good looking and has some money…..PLEASE take him away from me!!!!!!"
I read that, and I knew Hastings was about to go full Thunderdome in the comments section. And boy, did y’all deliver.
The Hastings Facebook Jury Deliberates
Right out the gate, the verdicts started rolling in like this was the Supreme Court of Small-Town Shenanigans.
Stacy Robinson hit her with the pragmatic, "I would HAVE done the 'legal thing' a long time ago," which, honestly, is the level-headed advice this woman probably needs, but let’s be real—Facebook ain't the place for good decisions. It's the place for drama, gifs, and unsolicited legal advice from people who watched Dateline one too many times.
Then, enter Eddie Messimore with the wisdom of a man who once owned a Dodge Charger with a Punisher sticker on the back:
"Do the legal thing and be done with it."
And just when you thought this was gonna stay civilized, Chris Cummings logged on with three words that immediately sent this post from Lifetime Movie to FBI Watch List:
"Shovel, rope, and lye."
Sir?! We’re still in public!
Then, Cole Guion comes in with a cultural reference for the true crime fanatics:
"This sounds like the beginning of a Dateline episode."
Yes, Cole. Yes, it does. And the episode title would be: "The Man Who Wouldn’t Leave…and The Town That Had Ideas."
Community Problem Solving, Hastings-Style
At this point, the thread split into two distinct camps:
Camp 1: "Take this man back to the factory and demand a refund."
Nicole Marie Nottirb was out here quoting The Dixie Chicks' "Earl Had to Die" like it was a legal precedent. Hope Thursdale straight-up had ideas. Lucas Bichner, ever the radio prankster, suggested sending him to KDWB’s War of the Roses, which—let’s be honest—would be a top-tier episode. Imagine the call:
Radio DJ: "Would you like to send these roses to your girlfriend?"
This Guy: "Oh, I’ll send them to…uh…my mom."
[Anonymous Hastings Woman enters the chat.]
Camp 2: "Time to get creative with his living situation."
Noelle Nyblom had a genius idea:
"Talk about marriage and forever!! Oh and how you will now be attending church and not allowed to drink…maybe go vegan. Sugar free. Whatever will make him miserable. Mom, sister and best friend moving in—yes please!"
Ma’am. This is diabolical. You’re not trying to kick him out; you’re trying to break his soul. You don’t just want him gone—you want him calling U-Haul in the dead of night.
The Hard Truth
Somewhere between the comedy and chaos, a few Hastings heroes offered real advice. Gary Classen pulled the concerned uncle card:
"If not legal, do you have reason to involve law enforcement? This is definitely poison to you."
And Lynn Reis-Davis wrapped it all up with a truth bomb:
"If what you are doing isn’t right for you, change what you are doing. You can’t control what he does, so control what you do. I know it’s hard, but so is living like that."
Now, that right there? That’s some "Midwest Mom Wisdom." The kind of wisdom you hear over a cup of Folgers at the kitchen table. The kind of wisdom that comes from someone who has survived more than one casserole-based potluck.
Final Thoughts from HastingsNow.com
This whole saga is a masterclass in how small-town Facebook groups function. You ask for advice, and you will get:
Actual legal suggestions.
True crime references.
A subtle threat or two.
A well-placed meme.
A woman named Karen telling you to "pray about it."
One dude who takes it way too far. (Chris, we’re looking at you.)
But all jokes aside, if you’re in a relationship that feels like an emotional hostage situation, listen to the good advice:
You deserve peace.
You deserve safety.
You deserve better than the plot of a bad Lifetime movie.
And if all else fails, go vegan. That should get him outta there faster than a Vikings fan in Lambeau Field.
Stay safe, Hastings. Stay hilarious. And keep those Facebook threads spicy.
Want more Hastings chaos delivered straight to your screen? Stay tuned to HastingsNow.com/podcasts for the best local stories, the best hot takes, and the best reminders that maybe, just maybe, you should think twice before posting your personal drama online.
